qerfuffle
by SherezadeQ
Summary: What happens when q shows up on Voyager to do some maturing and a certain ensign is an idiot? Here's the answer. I know this seems like a Mary Sue, but I'm trying my best. Please tell me what you think.
1. Chapter 1: Odd Cicumstances Indeed

(Q)erfuffle: Chapter 1

_Odd Circumstances Indeed_

"You seem to be having fun."

I jumped up off my bed-where I had been rocking out to my newest music acquisitions- and stood dumbfounded. There was someone I didn't know in my quarters. If there was one thing I knew, it was that this was never a good sign. I started to worry.

"Ensign Queen to Security-" I started, pressing my communicator.

"No need for that," said the person (Man? Being?) who had somehow managed to get into my quarters without my knowledge, looking around my room with a smirk. "We don't want any silly interruptions, now do we?"

I slowly cocked my head to the side, wondering what this person would possibly want that required no interruption. He was attractive, looked about my age- but I didn't flatter myself, however tempting it was to imagine something…personal. I quickly put up a mental shield just in case he could catch thoughts. That was the last thing I wanted him to know.

"Very good," he said, the smirk still hovering annoyingly around his mouth. I wanted to slap it off his sharply defined face. "Betazoid?"

I nodded cautiously. "Only a little- my grandmother. Just enough to wonder why you were trying to get in my head."

"Is that how your limited human mind comprehended it?"

The realization hit me as I blinked like a stupid cow. I held in my sudden irrational desire to laugh with great effort. "I know it's bad practice to assume, but I think you might be q."

"That is irrelevant," he stated, suddenly reappearing in a classic Q pose in a chair across the room with his feet on the comm panel, "but yes, I am from the continuum."

So I was encountering the son of the infamous Q. I could assume he was relatively mischievous (who wouldn't be with that father) and therefore had nothing good in mind, whatever it was. "What are you doing in my quarters?" I asked, since this was really the issue at hand. I turned to face him and crossed my arms, sticking out my left hip and frowning impatiently. I knew what kind of trouble Q had caused on the Enterprise and I didn't trust his son any more than him.

"Amusing myself."

"Of course you are. Now amuse yourself somewhere else."

"You've got a big attitude for such a young woman," he commented, raising an eyebrow.

I snorted. "Take after your father, do you?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "You don't seem that much older than me…" I realized my utterly human mistake (stupid! stupid!) and corrected myself: "But then, you _are_ a Q. I must seem _so_ obtuse to you." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, leaning against the wall to appear more cool than I actually was.

Q nodded. "You are such a quaint species," he agreed, "but sometimes you have brief flashes of interesting behavior. Which is why I am here. You seem to be the youngest, in terms of years, on board this ship. In Q time, I am also young, and this apparently renders me inexperienced with life. My father _suggested_ that I seek a human "companion" with whom to share this…"(he waved his hand vaguely) "time of progress, I suppose. I don't know why he demanded humans; he seems to, well, prefer them."

This time I could not contain my laughter. I sank to my bed, overcome by giggles. Q glared at me. He was so cute when he was angry, I thought to myself. I just hoped he had inherited Q's dramatic flair. Suddenly I stopped chuckling, recalling that he could easily destroy me and the ship, even this galaxy.

"What?!" he demanded; then more calmly but still disgruntled, "I fail to see anything remotely amusing about this situation." (There's probably more you fail at than you realize, I thought.)

"You're supposed to identify with me? A lowly human?" It was my turn to smirk. "How long are you stuck here, since I'm assuming this is a _suggestion_ from the continuum?"

Looking away, q muttered something indistinct. "Excuse me?" I asked, cupping my ear. "I didn't quite catch that."

"A WEEK!" q yelled and disappeared with the characteristic dramatic flash of light. I smiled thoughtfully. I had heard about q's last week on Voyager…this was going to be pretty interesting. I could only hope I wouldn't be killed.


	2. Chapter 2: Janeway Lacks Questions

(Q)erfuffle: Chapter 2

_Janeway Lacks Questions…_

I was out on my usual rounds the next day, after bad sleep interrupted by odd dreams, when I decided to inform the captain of q's appearance. After all, it was my duty to report.

"Come in…oh, Elena." Captain Janeway motioned for me to come into her ready-room. "You wanted to speak with me about something?"

"Yes, I…Q's son is aboard the ship. He doesn't appear to be causing harm…yet."

"Ah. I see. Well, I shall alert the crew. We should be prepared, regardless of his apparent benignity."

I debated telling her what he had told me, about growing up and such. Of course I had to tell her, who was I kidding? Opening my mouth, I turned to the Captain as she stood up.

"Was there something else, ensign?"

"Well… q mentioned that he was supposed to do some…progressing…on this directive, Captain; rather like the first time he was here. Apparently the Q feel that since he and I are both "young" in terms of our species, that he would find it…educational to identify his situation of passing into Q 'adulthood' with the human equivalent." I was finding this all rather fragmented now that I was actually trying to explain it, and realized I probably didn't have adequate facts.

"Yes, she meets the requirements of my father and the Continuum in that she is about to turn 18, and that she serves under your command, Aunt Kathy. However I still find it off-putting that they're making me do this. Haven't I proven myself enough?"

Captain Janeway stared at q, who had just appeared in the ready-room in the usual unannounced way. I sighed, wishing that q wasn't omnipresent. It would be less fun working with him… whatever it was the Q wanted him to do this time.

"Evidently they haven't taken your powers this time," the Captain commented. She walked over to him, put her hand on his shoulder, and smiled tiredly. "Try not to cause too much trouble."

I raised my eyebrows at Janeway's retreating back. She hadn't even asked for any details! That was unlike her in a lot of ways. In less than a second I had decided that I was suspicious and would therefore never let down my guard- okay, maybe that was a little too rigorous. I would never let down my guard in the company of others. Much better, I thought.

Then I looked over at q. "So what is it exactly you're meant to be doing in this time?" q shrugged. "How do you grow?" he asked.

What a question, I thought. What a question indeed.


	3. Chapter 3: Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

(Q)erfuffle: Chapter 3

_Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary_

"Um, well…" I couldn't think of anything specifically inherent to growing. "Some people…mature by having traumatic experiences…"

Q stared at me, appearing slightly alarmed.

"Er, not that you necessarily need to have one. I mean, a lot of people don't. That's just one thing that can influence people. It can have negative consequences too though…"

"Can't you be more specific? You humans are so vague sometimes." Q rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, leaning against a comm panel. "I'm bored already. Tell me something interesting, human."

"I have a name you know," I said, annoyed. "And it's Dahlia. Like the Earth flower. And if you want to hear something interesting, why don't _you _say it?"

Q tilted his head forward, but didn't say anything. I could sense that he was still irritated, but surprised at my temper. I realized that he still had to learn that not everyone would be infinitely patient with him. This could amount to a problem.

"q…" I bit my lip, unsure about how to proceed- and that was when it hit me. "It's really all about being uncertain, growing. There's a lot of trial and error, testing boundaries, and things like that."

He was listening, but still not quite getting it. "For example?"

"For example, you just spoke to me condescendingly, and that pissed me off. Hopefully in the future you will not do so in order to avoid a situation like…everyone on this ship being pissed off at you." I thought for a moment. "However, you being you, this might be inevitable anyway."

Q laughed, startling me. It wasn't supposed to be funny, I thought. I had been completely serious.

"And why all of that, when one has powers like I do?" he asked. "The universe is pretty much…what is that human expression…my oyster? Why even practice the illusion of restraint when I can have anything I want?" Suddenly q extended his hand, and a round purple fruit I recognized as a snozmelon appeared, revolving above his palm. He smiled smugly and took a somewhat ferocious bite out of the snozmelon, as if it had done him a great personal wrong.

I snorted as the image of the fruit repeatedly hitting him over the head drifted in to my mind. Q frowned, realizing I what was thinking, and then did something I was totally unfamiliar with.

Perhaps it's normal for Qs in the continuum to reach into each others' minds and grab stuff, but it was incredibly invasive for someone to whom it has never happened. For sure, I'd sensed emotions and sometimes specific thoughts, but this image-snatching was extremely uncomfortable, rather like a very high-pitched sonar inside my skull.

"What the- jeez!" I yelled, and out of reflex I put up my arms as if to shield my head while sealing off my mind. So much for keeping my guard up, I guess.

"What?" q asked defensively, as if I had overreacted hugely. He even backed up a few steps, like I would explode or something. "I was just-"

"Just nothing! Gluh! So unnecessary!" I made angry noises for a few seconds, scowling at the floor and trying to condense my scattered thoughts. I was dimly aware that q's expression of mild concern was changing to amusement. "Apparently that kind of thing doesn't happen to you on an everyday basis?" he inquired curiously.

"You could say that," I replied huffily. I flipped my hair out of my eyes and looked up to see q grinning. "That was so not funny. It was uncomfortable and I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from it in the future." I looked back at the floor awkwardly, noticing the abandoned snozmelon.

There was a few moments' silence, and then-

"Look…" q said, looking concerned again and stepping towards me, "are you okay? I really didn't know it was going to do anything. Most humans don't even feel it. Maybe it's because you're part Betazoid or something…"

I twitched my head up. I could almost feel my eyes twinkle. "Connection! You shouldn't jump into peoples' minds without their permission because you don't know what it will do to them!" I announced triumphantly. "Congratulations, first lesson over."


End file.
